Rocky Loves Emily Lyrics
ALL LYRICS ©2005 Benjamin A. Garbe (ASCAP)/
Mister Cucumber Publishing (ASCAP) except Ice Ice Baby which is © Robbie Van Winkle aka Vanilla Ice
1. Intro
2. makeOUTparty
3. Hodown
4. Ice Ice Baby
5. piggyback.miss.that
6. My Side of the Tracks
7. She's Got A Boyfriend
8. She's Getting Ready
9. Turn Your Music Down
10. Shake Ya Ta Tas
11. Duke Boy Call To Arms
12. Dukes of Hazzard (Where the Party At?)
13. I'M A DINOSAURus (Hard Corey Remix)
14. misMosh
15. Imaginate
16. (I Like) Young Girls
17. Hey Ma! I'm a Rapper!
18. Jimmy Stewart Rockin The Mic
19. Slumber Party!
makeOUTparty featuring Miss Kristin
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Produced by: DJ Tanner
Recorded at: 204 S. Second St.
excuse me miss, I got a little bitie question to ask
I know we just met, hope I ain’t moving to fast
I don’t do bars and hookups, but would dinner be alright
Just the two of us, 7pm, a little later tonight
So I pull up to her place we jet to dinner right quick
Hold the doors coming in, pull out the chair when she sits
And the conversations smooth like Zack Morris in a jam
And I mention that I rap, she says she knows who I am
And I’m flattered god damn; no one knows who I am
Not even my mom baby, not even my dad
So I compose myself quickly put my ego in check
Cuz I’m having the time of my life, and its barely started yet
So we leave the café and talk a walk down the beach
A little ice cream as we walk, talk, the tide wets our feet
We get to joking around and end up laying in the sand
Like summer in first grade, I feel like a kid again
And she looks at me and smiles and I smile too
My heart’s like skid a mir ink a dink a dink skid a mir ink a doo
I’ll love you in the morning and in the afternoon
And on the beach at sunset and underneath the moon
The moment’s not quite right so I don’t make my move
Still, we’re walking home laughing cuz she decides to wear my shoes
And then we’re on her porch and I’m looking for that sign
But she’s playing hard to get so I’ll just take my time
And I look into her eyes and wonder should I? (just give her a kiss)
So I lean in closely hoping she won’t back away
And I lean a little closer and she takes my breath away
And I pull away slowly a first kiss there’s no way of knowing
Like the boat in Willy Wonka no one knows where its going
Then I reach for her hand hopin mine doesn’t shake
But I’m nervous as hell so maybe that’ll have to wait
But the butterflies subside I run my fingers through her hair
Brush it out from her eyes and tuck it back behind her ear
The tensions kinda mounting and your mind is really running
She’s looking at you wondering man you gotta say something
So you tell her that’s she’s beautiful, but its never right for her
Cuz she’s gorgeous, funny, sexy, so much more than just one word
But she leans a little closer as if she understands the words you never said
Who need words she whispers when you can make out instead
So gimme a kiss
Let’s make out baby
I like you and you like me
So let’s have ourselves a little
Make out party
And she’s got the cutest eyes that you ever did see
Go ahead and give this girl a little kiss for me
And makeout
Hodown
Music by: Hard Corey and DJ Tanner
Produced and Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
i'm single and screwed over more than Britney's ex's
looking for the type of girls that like me for my Lexus and nothing else
cuz i'm not in the mood to date
ant worried bout my soul, nah, i'm looking to mate
and i can count the hoes on my finger and toes
and lord knows i'm a ride this ride wherever it goes
so I grab myself a blond then i grab a brunette
and i'm looking for a redhead to complete the set
and we're starting to sweat, i can tell they're getting wet
but theres a club full of ladies I ain't found my Smurfette
rather leave with a Maserati than a simple corvette
fuck a menage, tonight i'm taking home a quintet
so its back to the bar, then back to the floor
gotta find the girl that i'm gonna take home
how to choose though, einie meenie minee mo
everybody get up, get out and fucking grab a ho
like the doctor when he puts the cold thing on ya chest
listen up baby cuz this ain't no test
i ain't here for my mom and i ain't wanna meet yours
i ain't here to pull out chairs and i ain't holding doors
i ain't holding my breath to hear your ring on my phone
the clubs my bank baby and i'm here to take out a loan
take it home, fuck it i'm gonna get blown
paint this town white make sure all my seeds have been sewn
and i'm to kick back and drop some new shit
so you kin step by step like a 90's new kid
dj who did this is what all the hoes gonna ask
and i'm in VIP waiting for the youngest hoes to get let back
you can bet that, i'm in this game to win
drunk like Joe Namath on a 5th of gin
if sluts aren't angels than i'm guilty of sin
thrown down, get up, let the Hodown begin
take a shot of jack then I step towards a blonde
the look in her eyes says she wants to get on
and she's fine, she's already doing magic with my wand
and i know i'm getting some when she tells me she a mom
the eyes are big round and the rack is too
fully equipt thong and lower back tatoo, boo
shaking like fish and i ain't teased with the worm
and i squirm, teachers giving a lesson i'm here to learn
cuz I'm me, I'm a white kid from out in the suburbs
but she's grindin so hard covered in rug burns
and love hurts, but this is free no three words
i'm her's, golden rule of the night is finders cheaters
jeepers creepers, its song after song
getting retardeder than corky on life goes on
and its last call, feeling pressure to go
check the time on my Tag and then I head for the rolys
so its back to my place and she's glad she came
i'm upside down like Spider-man she's wet like mary jane
and its none of that: look but don't touch finger but don't fuck
pussy but no butt, cuz she's a slut
but don't think i'm calling her names
i got respect for a lady not using her brain
a girl who's in touch with touchin herself while i gaze
this shit we're doin make marving gaye aroused in his grave
and i'm sideways slantways, she's backwards frontwards
like bambi's thumper i hump her, over under
and every hodown fuckin ends the same
you get the ho down, that's how it got its name
Ice Ice Baby
Contains music from Brick by Ben Folds Fice
Lyrics by: Vanilla Ice/Robbie Van Winkle
Additional Lyrics by : Benjamin Garbe
Produced by: DJ Tanner
Recorded at: 222 Bromley and 317 Green Balcs
Yo VIP let's kick it
All right stop collaborate and listen
Yo NBL is back with my brand new invention
Sucksex grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
Dance bum rush to the speaker that booms
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly when I play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it you better gain weight
You better hit bull's eye the kid don't play
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while DJ Tanner revolves it
Refrain:
I’m singing Ice Ice Baby
Cuz I’m white white baby
I can sing Ice Ice Baby cuz I’m white white baby
Now that the party is jumping
With the bass kicked in and the vegas are pumpin'
Quick to the point to the point no faking
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon
Burning them if you ain't quick and nimble
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal
And a hi-hat with a souped up tempo
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo
Rollin' in my PTC
With windows down so all the haters can see
The girlies on standby waving just to say hi
Did you stop no I just drove by
Kept on pursuing to the next stop
I bust a left and I'm heading to the next block
The block was dead
so I had to go 65 while I drive down Randall Road
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis
Jealous 'cause I'm out getting mine
Shay with a guage and Vanilla with a nine
Reading for the chumps on the wall
The chumps acting ill because they're so full of eight balls
Gunshots rang out like a bell
I grabbed my nine all I heard were shells
I’m falling on the concrete real fast
Jumped in my car slammed on the gas
Bumper to bumper the avenue's packed
I’m trying to hop away like I’m Kangaroo Jack
Police are on the right now I’m now I’m alright
They pass me up, Yo! When they see that I’m
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while DJ Tanner revolves it
REPEAT CHORUS
Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet
Geneva's on the scene just in case you didn't know it
My town that created all the bass sound (Not!)
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel
Conducted and formed
This is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step with this
Shay plays on the fade slice like a ninja
Cut like a razor blade so fast other DJs say damn
If my rhyme was a drug I'd sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice
If there was a problem yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while DJ Tanner revolves it
piggyback.miss.that
Music by: Dirty Erik and DJ Tanner
Produced by: Dirty Erik and DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: 317 Green Blacs
she called me Benjermin, i like that
i miss that, sad when the memory comes back
grateful that, I got the chance to hold her hand and watch her dance give her piggybacks
an old voice mail comes up, i can hear her now
and the voice, the sound takes me back to the past somehow
and I'm there she's there and it all feels wrong
I never even liked the Kaye West song
and you gotta do Pilates, sweetie do some shots please,
then we'll hit the parties, till we puke up our Hardees
she smokes when she drinks it pisses me off and intrigues
cuz she's destroying a beautiful thing purposefully
its dangerous and I’m too conservative for my own tastes
blown away as she licks spilled drink off my face
but now I always carry a lighter in case the bitch smokes
former fat boy scout's motto's always be prepared folks
but then I flash to the future, the present and snap
she wasn't worth a piggyback, naw, not even half
a million Jell-O shots numb the nerves
the way she looks she smiles shakes I'm hers
but she's kinda his, and not mine for sure
she dumps a drink on me, and without a word
its into the bathroom, she's blowing me dry
a hair dryer, not head, get the gutter off your mind
and she smells like waking up on the beach
and I lean she leans, her green eyes so deep I reach
for her face, can't breath, don't talk
first kiss, second kiss, turned on, I can't walk
and for rest of the party I just sit and watch
nervous, i leaves she leaves I offer to walk her home
say take my jacket you're shivering, you're cold
feel like a king when I've got her hand to hold
but shes skeptical of men, skeptical of ben,
lord tell me that i haven't lost out again
I want those shoes I want those jeans
I want her legs wrapped up in me
and I dunno, is she gonna leave, is she gonna run
cuz I like this one, better than the last one
she kissed like today was tomorrow
like the future was tongiht
she fit me perfectly, just like a Stepford wife
my little brunette, that jumped up to give me hugs
my Jennifnerd, in the morning always waking me up
at the crack of dawn to play, i couldn't help but say
Kocham Cie, i love you babe
and she's determined and driven
independent and strong
she doesn't need a boy
but I'm hoping to ride along
making naughty in the morning, making roses in the rain
her clothes are in my dryer, I'm singing songs with her name
one night i'm carrying her home cuz she wore tall shoes specially for me
so sweet, but they tore up her feet
the next its over, feels so wrong
never cried over a girl, but i'm bawlin in her arms
my biggest fan, i loved when she sang along
well i finally wrote it out for you, here's your song it goes
piggyback miss that i wish that i could still kiss that girl
thinking back this and that hold her hand miss that girl
cuz that girl she's got something you can't hold in your hands
and she got something special, but she got some demands
you broke, you broke my heart
piggyback miss that i wish that i could still kiss that girl
one step forward, its true that, its two back, i miss that girl
cuz that girl she's got something you can't hold in your hands
and she got something special, but she got some demands
you broke, you broke my heart
My Side of the Tracks
Music by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Produced by: DJ Tanner
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
30 frat boys walk in collars popped
40 bangers walk in the collars drop
they stomped, its a romp
they about to call in the cops
then i come walking through Moses with a message from god
so i part the seas of these two new jets and Capulets
egos hurting, pride needs swallowing, stop the violence
don't try this kids, no one's tried this before i did
i about to teach tolerance open your eyelids
in the club its crowded, i'm about to puke my shirt
at least when rabbit tried this he was fucking poor as dirt
but me standing here in my fucking Ralph Lauren
surrounded by a collapsing crowd of angry young black men
and i'm slow at first bust, my cadence is rushed,
take a look at my face like Moulin Rouge i'm blushed
breath control hard feels like my chests been crushed
but i been ready to emerge so in myself I trust
i can hear the oohs and ahhs, believe it they can't
and they all screaming this white preppie can rap
and the verse is about done, finish with a chorus
and take my place as raps first Zack Morris
i've been long time time comin
and you've askin been for it
and i've been talking trash back
welcome to my side of the tracks
and you've been calling me out
wanna know what i'm all about
wanna see if i can bring the game back
welcome to my side of the tracks
not always formerly fat, spent my childhood chunky
daddy's called in daily cuz kids would kick punch and jump me
principals believe stories, counselors said fight back
so this little fat friendless kid got on the attack
but then everyone wants a piece of the biggest kid in class
and i'm 10 running from high schoolers kicking my ass
my backpack's open, books flying out of the sack
he lands a punch to my head, on the asphalt splat
bloody noses and eyes, daily asking god why
even kids in the suburbs got shit to deal with in their lives
desperate and lonely, the wrong crowd's seeming right
stealing shit, feeling it, now i'm enjoying my life
mom always said my mouth was my biggest enemy next to me
and i guess she was right about that we see
there i am laying praying for my life, car tires skid
and there's a gun a really one in the streets of Park Ridge
and suddenly I'm wishing that I could still be a kid,
but the joke is I was trying to deal with all that shit
still we all got our growing pains, the Seavers proved that
but it wasn't all white picket fences on my side of the tracks
i'm tall, i'm white, i'm hood, i'm prep
i'm smart, i'm sexy, i'm contagious like strep
i'm blonde, i'm blue eyed, i'm passionate, i'm playful,
i'm dark, i'm crazy, i'm Cain crossed with Able
Mother approved they know i'll care for their girl
back in the sack, on her back, making the toes curl
cuz i took it
slow and steady i think I won the race
now i'm the guy you hate always lifting the weights
taking thetas on dates while you sit and masturbate
and i can see the hate, every time my song gets played
but you can't live in the past i got dreams to see through
i'm here to represent a new face of the today's youth
I’ll be riding with will smith, chillin with the prez
not sitting at the drug store popping cherry pez
but fuck that shit cuz its time to rap
throw on Underoos and a sideways white sox cap
and attack left hook, right hook, my hook in ya head
my song playing while you got the girl in ya bed
all i really wants ta sit on porches and reminisce
about the days growin up and the first person you kissed
and to have kids, a dog, a yard, and a beautiful wife
and coach little league with my buddies, now that'd be the life
She’s Got a Boyfriend
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Additional Music by: Hard Corey and DJ Tanner
Produced by: DJ Tanner
Recorded at: Basement Studios at 1286 Keim Ct.
I feel like its Berlin cause this girl took my breath away
we just met today, now i'm searching for some words to say
If I had two brothers and they was here with me
lord knows they'd be chanting out Rocky Loves Emily
or something equally ridiculous, while doing ninja tricks
this girl got more to please than licorice and Twix
i'm trying my hardest to make her wanna stay
cuz like destiny's child i got nuts when she say my name
she's got a voice that melts ice and she's innocently dirty
and i'm feeling like a dork, but i just cannot stop my flirting
she's got the funest way of doing things the cutest fucking lips
just begging to be kissed, genie I only need one wish
but that only in the movies but that's where she belongs
cuz she's the reason for the seasons, the cause of love songs
the cause of me pacing back and forth, should i give her a call
or instant message on the interweb or do nothing at all
i don't wanna seem creepy like a new Christopher Walken
and not distant or persistent, I'm channeling Christopher Robin
but maybe that's my mistake cuz now I'm feeling like poo
turns out my honey's got a boyfriend, and all my dreams are screwed
and its all kinda sad, cuz she's seriously rad
I get along with her mom, I get along with her dad
sister, brothers, cousins, grandpas, mothers, uncles and aunts
maybe get along with her cat, if i get along with her pants
but I'd settle for her hand, cuz I just wanna dance
under moons to love tunes she makes me wanna romance
and the chance that we will dance keeps my heart in her hands
but till that day comes, man, i just gotta relax
and take a deep breath, slow down, she's sucking me in
like a tractor beam, she's so fun, its making me sick
we can't even date, but she's got me imaging kids
bathrobes hers and his, man she's fucking up my Christmas
she's got me messed up, its affecting my flow
she's got me wrapped around her fingers, and wrapped around her toes
she's like the Tao of girl, my own female zen
but i'm thinking i ain't like my chances cuz she got a fucking boyfriend
Its getting to that point now, that something's gotta give
and i ain't goin nowhere so it better be him
and when he's gone like Dennis Rodamn I'll be her rebound man
I'll snatch her up and run away like I'm Rumplestiltskin
and i'll take her to Bermuda, Bahama, and the keys,
just me and my pretty mama chillin under palm trees
and she'll look in my eyes, we'll make love under sunset
tape it, and later sell it all on the internet
and retire off the millions from the profits we make
i'm a celebrity, so y'all wanna see my tape
and if she doesn't break up with him if she stays where she is (if she never calls it quits)
like Camilla Parker Bowles I'll be happy just to be a mistress
like Harrison Ford in Witness I'm anonymous amish
I'll be like Shakespeare in love and write her book fulls of sonnets
I'll knit her cute little bonnets, cuz her boyfriend makes me vomit
fags got less going on than seasons of Wallace and Gromit
but I think i'm in like Ellen's out, i think i finally got my chance
and i'm happy like a hippo like Hard Corey when he dance
this ain't the end of my story, no it begins aqui (here you'll see)
cuz this girl gots a new boyfriend, folks i am him he is ME!
she's got a boyfriend and she don't see
she's got a boyfriend it oughta be me
i'm hoping and hoping
that we'll be eloping
if she gets roped in
but she's got a boyfriend
she's got a boyfriend she don't need me
she's got a boyfriend, but maybe we'll see
I keep hopin and hoping
that we'll be elopin
if she gets roped in
but she's got a boyfriend
She’s Getting Ready
Music by: Hard Corey
Produced and Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
locked out once again, i'll freeze
knockin with my tail between my knees
didn't wanna have to, but don't wanna sit
locked out looking homeless in front of my apartment
so i knock knock knock on her door
and then i'm drippin soakin wet on her kitchen floor
been here before, just her and me
and while she's getting ready, i'm watchin TV
and she tosses me a towel from her closet
tells me to dry wet hair
i smile and i nod and she smiles like she cares
but doesn't know, or doesn't let on she knows
that this towels stolen from the hotel where we used go
sweatpants and a t-shirt that used to be mine
what a bitch but she still looks good to me and thats why
i didn't wanna come here, didn't wanna have to be
seeing her live her life where I'm just memory
she’s getting ready I’m not ready to see
she’s getting ready and its not for me
and shes gabbin on her cell phone
talking to her girls, my girls, well they used to be my girls too
funny, not ha ha, but kinda it seems that she's
holding up perfectly no stress at the seems
she pops a bottle of red wine, pours herself a glass
"would you like one?" "no thanks, i'm okay, I'll pass"
I wanted scream yes, why didn't I say that
grab her hold her tell her I wanted her back
i've tried that, not me it was her, she said, sure,
it never is me, too nice, i've heard those words
a million times, last guy beat her up good,
she thinks why I wouldn't if the other one could
breathe out breathe in
i can hear her start the shower, i can hear her get in
i can hear the water runnin
i can picture her there
i can still feel between my fingers
her long wet hair hair
and the water turns off the flashback fades
door opens she flies out steam invades
great, just hangin, twiddle thumbs to an old Friends
thinking bout when we were good like Radiohead at the bends
and i tip tip toe to the back
the bathroom door's been left open a crack
and she's on her phone talking sweetly to her new me
replacement $ucksex couldn't be anything but a groupie
she's got her hair up in towels
she's throwing round clothes
foot on sink shaving her legs close
about to paint her toes
back tattoo of a rose shows
99 problems, 98 are hoes
too much, decide to sit in the rain so I lie
yell from the living room "my roommates home, thanks, bye"
she comes out dressed to the nines
"I'm leaving too, feel free to stop by anytime"
Turn Your Music Down
Music by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Produced and Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
I'm starting at the top, I'm only goin down
I'm Greg Louganis, hopin I don't drown
except I'm not gay, I don't have AIDS
so I guess I'm not in fact Greg Louganis
Hoo, I just fucked a Danish
not a chick, a donut what you think i'm famous
nah, i still record in my room
still igonred
got officer tamales banging on my door
sayin
they sayin
TURN YOUR MUSIC DOWN
CUZ ITS WAY TOO LOUD
SO LET'S JUST ASK THE CROWD
HELL NO, WE WON'T TURN THE MUSIC DOWN
CUZ WE FUCKED UP IN THE CROWD
WE SURE AIN'T MAKING MOMMY PROUD
SO WHEN THEY SAY TURN YOUR MUSIC DOWN
SCREAM OUT WE FUCKING NEED IT LOUD
they sayin turn it down
when we raising the roof
not when I'm getting loose
not when I'm spinning my tunes
i drive my car fast
when i pass girls I like
windows down music loud
on a moonlit night
still douche bags always get the girls
cuz girls hate themselves
so increase the decibels,
maybe it'll help
and then you re-roll the dice
keep playing the game
but I need a little more volume
to drown out the pain
until my ear drums ring like nick carters phone
hello? hi nick! is Paris Hilton home
no? leave you alone? well that's not cool
I called you long distance from the payphone at school
cuz I just wanted you to hear that $ucksex is ALIVE
I just wanted to call up and make some noise
I'm sorry its 6am but I love the Backstreet Boys
Actually Ashlee and Lindsay didn't answer you're my third choice
Waiting for her call to give me the lowdown
My cell phone rings, It's a hodown, hoes out
Whole club back at my house
Alpine bangin till the sun comes out
or does it?
cuz they wanna be keeping me down
but we just broke up
so i'm needing it loud
but these cops keep telling me its not allowed
keep turnin it up and they start to surround
and she's elsewhere finding herself with another guy
but i still got a throng of thonged girls inside
so i invite the officer in, the look on his face
like a kid in the candy shop, surveying the place
and couple girls later, a bottle of wine
turns out I'm fine, committing no crime
and now I got the whole force out in the back
saying $ucksex can't it go a little louder than that
Shake Ya Ta Tas
Music by: Hard Corey
Produced by: Hard Corey and DJ Tanner
Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
when i said that i loved you a lot
did it make you smile a little a lot or not
cuz that last shot brought up some things i thought
i'd repressed i'm $ucksex, i suck breasts on women's chests,
i'm the best, but you'd already guessed that
put my hands on your hips ass, fingers dippin into your skirt
i'm off the market sure, but i reserve the right to flirt
cuz this is hard work, wet shirt, don't converse, just cowgirl in reverse,
so baby bye bye, unless you shake ya ta tas
and call me pa pa while I make you la la
you're talkin goin blah blah
just smile like its ha ha
cuz this is where I rock ya
like na na go head and pop that top uhh
i wanna see y'all boobs poppin out of ya tubes
as you shake it shake it shake it like there's nada to lose
come on pop
shake that top
what you got, baby i want
now i hope you shook, i hope i made you wiggle
the former fat boys here to make ya mammary glands jiggle
now don't giggle its just a word, like bird, i'm referring
to ya chest, hope ya heard, i'm awake, so shake and then turn
shake, repeat, whoop whoop, keek keek, get that back on me
and let the whole club see, as I pour the bubbly, double A double D
don't matter let em free, let them tatties fly au natural pretty please
baby please, don't keep em secretly, cuz what the world needs
now is love sweet love and what i love is your stuff
so girls in long sleeves, girls in short skirts
girls in fuck me boots, tight girls, girls that loose
shake ya boobs, girls in dress suits,
girls with fake boobs, girls with real boobs, girls of every type come
on shake it for the dudes
now if i was XX not XY I'd have mine waving side to side every night
but that's why god made girls so boys would have a reason for bein
and the reason why we gots eyes baby's for seein whats hot,
so reveal what ya got, Lindsey Lohan or not, even JoJo in a few years might have somethin up top
do they stand up or flop, do they make traffic stop
when i grab em at the Grammy’s will they be callin in the cops
so every girl let go, and every guy grab hold
and with every bass drum thump get a little more bold
fucking shake em if their warm, shake em if their cold
shake em if their young, replace em if their old
shake em till till the hurt wherever the hell you are
cuz i wanna see some motion
rub em in some lotion
get lost in the commotion
the who place fuckin gropin
Dukes of Hazzard (Where’s the Party At?)
Music by: DJ Tanner and Hard Corey
Produced and Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
this songs moving numbers you will not believe this
you can rap about anything
except about jesus
so i won't, i'll rap about drinkin boon's farm
getting drunk with daisy duke at the duke farm
cuz i'm a good old boy never meanin no harm
hazard county sheriff wants me cuz i set off alarms
getting my drive on, cooters smiling at me
as I roll through downtown in my general lee
wee, and you can do it too
just pretend you living a movie just like I do
cuz I just ate shrooms, and my cars a POS
and I just drove off a jump, good night Sucksex
and in case here's my will if i die
corey gets underwear, thats it goodbye
I pull up in a million trucks
looking smelling feeling like a million ducks QUACK
now dj bring that back
this one's for Bad Boys 3: The Soundtrack
cuz I'm on the rock right now
I freebase and I think I'm comin down
with a cough cough sneeze fart fucking itsy bitty little cold
how'd the techear know, who the fuck told
and why my at the playground, where'd the party go
cuz me and these kids cuervo sure don't know
and girls I know you wanna dance
while me and Hard corey pick fights with ya dads
cuz I know that the duke boys got my back
bo luke and their half wit cousins coy and vance
why my label laugh when I asked for an advance
now I'm walkin round town like I'm in a trance
party in the city where beat is on
all night on the beach, drinkin perignon
come on, so i'm horny like a mastadon
shot of redbull viagra, now pass it on
her first kiss was mine now she's a dyke
chillin in narnia eatin turkish delight
i'm louis the sixteenth I've lost my head
sniffin snow through a straw like in better off dead
put the kiddies to bed, cuz i'm about to blow chunks
put youre pants on corey, i'm talkin puke, not your nuts
one look head to toe its clear I'm fuckin rich
I'm only in hiltons is when I'm in Paris
ding dong, is this the place
sorry ma'am didn't mean to wake you up go back to sleep
but if you see the party please send somebody out with some bicardi for me
lets get drunk prohibition's been repealed
checking out women like i'm Holden Caufield
cept I ain't catch kids, they fall off the cliff
why hello there miss, why yes I could use a lift
here let me drive, no really I'm fine
all I had were a few pills and Uncle Jesse's moonshine
and a bottle a hennessey I had on the shelf,
now just let me introduce myself my name is
SUCKSEX, with a dollar sign S
enough formalities, show me them breasts
beep beep honk you hear driving in her black jeep
bumpin Backstreet, fucking laffing, singing raffi
siren's flashing, a drive by assing, while she's kneeling gagging
call me akinyele cuz I put it in her mouth
who the fuck care what this song is about
all you know is the party wants its rapper back
dial ANY-DUDE and tell me where the PARTY AT!
I’M A DINOSAURus (Hard Corey Remix)
Music by: Hard Corey
Produced and Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
I ain’t the typical dino you meet on the street
I’m a scientist dino, that’s why I’m still on my feet
I’m 70 million, but I only look three
And I’m here now thanks to my time machine
Got a lab coat and glasses, I even got my degree
My masters in chemistry, bachelors in history
And I’m here to do work in the pharmaceutical industry
But theme parks are the only ones showing interest in me
Civilized and couth, ignore my instincts usually
Used to eat meat, now I’m strictly herbs and veggies
And I’m afraid of the public the judge me cuz I’m green
At the grocery, at the movies, I walk in people scream
I’m a Dinosaurus ROAR ROAR Hey everybody I’m a dinosaur
No one understands my plight, especially my ex wife
Don’t the judge, I killed her not some meteorite
She was always bitching like, “go kill us some dinner tonight”
I married a raptor, now got an Apatosaur for my wife
She was slowing my work and frankly not helping my game
Like Homo sapiens she was only using 10% of her brain
But I had all 100, back then science brought me fame
Had all the dinos on Pangaea fucking screaming my name (YAY PETE)
I had my research double checked, but it was dismissed as lame
The time had came, and there was only on dino to save
I was Clark Kent and Jor-El one in the same
Ever since I travel time in my time machine train
Hey it’s also a plane!
Gimme one more second to explain
Can do 0 to 1990 faster than PhDs drop my name
So I was off to America land of the free
I picked the wrong year, and the wrong economy
So I hoped in my machine, but it was pretty low on gas
Checked my wallet, fucking empty, I’ll have to find some cash
For the meantime though I’ll just let the people stare
As I walk through the streets of my new home of Bel-Air
So I apply and apply, but I never seem to get jobs
Interviewers think I’m a joke sent over by monster.com
So I got suicidal, loaded, headed to the corner all lonely
And Eminem walked by said hey you dinosaur blow me!
I spit back, hey you’re fucking full of baloney
He was, I could smell it through his skin I was hungry
Through his tummy, yummy, I was hungry for him
He turned around and shouted let the mixtape war begin
So I hit the studio with snoop, recorded my first diss
The hip hoppin rapper/dinosaur scientist
The album hit big, but the source awards ignored us
How the fuck do you ignore a walking, rapping, Dinosaurus
So I married Beyonce, but she just wasn’t my type
Every scientist rapper need a couple ex wives
As I look to the future, who knows what’s in store
Sold my time machine train plane to support my habit of whores
Whatever ever the case, they’ll never be one more of us
Like Denver, I’m last real mother-fucking Dinosaurus
For my homies back in the J T and the C
I think about you every time that I turn the key
Of my hummer it’s a bummer now you’re fuel to me
But maybe I’ll come back baby after bankruptcy
And we’ll chill by the lagoon, sip a little dino wine
Couple old friends reunited in the land before time
But till then yo this is where I’ll be
90210’s the only zip code here for me
And my name is Pete and I’m a Dinosaur
How much longer can this song possibly go on for
That’s it it’s done, no more
misMosh
Music by: DJ Tanner
Produced and Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
all you celebrities that open your mouths
SHUT THE FUCK UP or Get the Fuck Out
we pay you to act sing compete rap dance or fuck
so stick strictly to that, silently collect your buck
cuz our patience has worn thin
we aren't entertained
this mismosh of malarkey
can not be sustained
it must not go unchecked,
it was our families slain
show America some respect
and I'll show you the same
this song is the release of all my frustration
to say pishposh a mismosh of misinformation
at presence of piles of pop culture layed out
and a million celebrity march against what Americas about
but bottom-line is that Cali and NY
do not, like they think, represent you and i
so I won't think cuz you bought my CD its my right
to tell you lies about what to believe in your political life
Now I'll start this off, with a fart and a cough
So you know I'm still the ass i was, that I ain't gone soft
and your probably surprised a bit that I sway to the right
but relax for a second let me do my thing with this mic
I'm not saying the red's right, I'm not saying the blue's bad
but open your eyes and take a look at the map
the whole damn things red, blood red, and looking county by county
well its basically a wash, red destroys, except in big cities
and there's two reasons for me being here with you today
the first is to make statements that you can let fall where they may
the other's to say, no to plead, beg, and implore
that celebrities shut the fuck up about things like the war
is that no one, even me, write these political songs anymore
Now myself a red, I feel I must come out firing
cuz I hate Blacks, Jews, Women, Firemen, and the environment
I hate kids, I hate old people, Mexicans, Muslims
I hate apple pie and the beach boys, but Big Oil I love em
I love forcing my religion on atheists that hate god
I hate killing babies and love taxing those that ain't got
give to the rich and I say straight fuck the poorest
I got plans for a great house so burn down the rainforest
cuz that's what these celebrities would have you believe
with their million dollar watches, pet causes, oh please
we weren't poor, cuz my dad worked an 80 hour week
and before studied his ass off to earn three degrees
these celebrities earn millions in the time it takes me to pee
they've got nothing but free time so they yellin at me
you hypocrites with Prada handbags you go plant a tree
see the reason they all have these causes they love
ain't cuz they love them they love having causes because
it makes them seem less out of our league
makes them feel ok for their greed
and they yell at George bush for being a rich son of a bitch
at least he didn't marry twice for money, he was already rich
high school dropouts and graduates you're famous and hot
but you're opinions are worthless, thank god for fox
at least they admit their biased when they talk
unlike every other liberal station that pretends its not
i'm not here to be the Rush Limbaugh of rap
i'm not gonna suggest you all go live in France
and the morons who think that this isn't the best
fucking country worldwide, just look at the rest
liberals whining bout losing, how you're Canada bound
the grass is always greener you'll all be comin back down
or you won't an you'll wait a year to see a physician
unless your a celebrity up there, so here's the truth listen
the reason these yo yos in Hollywood say the worlds great
is wherever they go, they're loved, people fall at their feet
i respect the amendments, i believe number one
but have sense to censor yourself if you're gonna sound dumb
do not speak to me about the war in Iraq
unless you've read what I've read
unless you've seen it in black
cuz attacks on the patriot act
are just smoke, and news doesn't come from Rolling Stone or the Daily Show
cuz the worlds not a bad place because of the US
its a bad place cuz there's folks out there called terrorists
they hate for the sake of hating the infidels
and we add fuel to their fire by hating ourselves
i'm almost a teen, but I ain't up for bein duped
by some Hollywood pundits, who've got more than their due
and can't handle the truth, Michael Moron I mean you
cuz this country fucking owes you a unanimous FUCK YOU
and if youre' wondering for real why we had 9/11
Clinton and the UN, pansies, and didn't uphold resolutions
win without war, sure
when you make films without gore
cuz in ten years you'll give yourselves Oscars, for actin out this war
Imaginate
Music by: DJ Tanner
Produced and Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
in the club in Champaign they saying Garbe you hot
they like me they can't wait for my album to drop
i won't stop, RaCheer Records don't release no flops
like pearl necklace, girl i'm coming up top
and the crowd goes silent when S hits the room
i look good motherfucker i'm hot like June
kaboom, nothing to lose, hit the saloon
been drinking hardcore at the bar since half past noon
see this is my life, to live till i'm dead
my dream's to make it to 25 with some hair on my head
hate looking in the mirror after i get dressed
fuckin almost washboard abs ruined by washboard chest
i'm deep there's always mail in my mailbox
i rep third grade so all my jokes is knock knocks
got villains scared like an alligator that tick tocks
tip top shape, like Mike Tyson on the punch out box
hit that's what this is, i never kid
takin off my careers never gonna skid
was fatboy as a kid, got Underoos under the lid
fuck my ego, this one is for my id
cuz in my imagination
cuz in my dreams
i'm a lot of people
i'm a lot of things
when i'm your arms
when i'm up on floor
i don't need to imagine no more
i'm single with 1 more year of college I'm out to get laid
but part of me's hoping my heart'll get in the way
and she's 5 foot 3 hair brown eyes green
with the cutest fucking ass that a boys ever seen
and i'm thinking as I'm winking that there's got to be catch
but I'm caught I want a deposit i think i wanna invest
in her thighs, inside, i wanna look into her her eyes
and when its all done i wanna hold her through the night
and my defenses were built tough like i was a tonka
but she's blowing through like a tsunami and I'm Sri Lanka
but come naw, Colin Powell, i need aid or i'll drown
cuz she's sweeping me away, i may never be found
cuz every guy that walks past, i wanna kick his ass
relax, $ucksex, sit back, don't overreact
and i noticed i stopped checking when some trim rolls past
just tip my hat, someone's got my heart, imagine that
i like fake boobs now cuz i'm in love with my girl
she took be by surprise and now i'm takin on the world
and i won't stop till i'm crowned the first king of the moon
insane like Fudge, mad props out to Judy Blume
assume and assumpt, your an ass and a clown
the truth ain't hard to find you don't need no Encyclopedia Brown
insane as it sounds, like houses built upside down,
headed to the Grammy’s to drop trow for the crowd
and as they out loud fucking snicker and giggle
i won't care a bit, not even a little
cuz my egos not brittle,
go ahead and belittle, DJ hit the fiddle
and lets all Piggle wiggle
(I Like) Young Girls
Additional Music by: DJ Tanner
Produced and Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: The Basement Studios at 1286 Keim Ct.
i'm the biggest Lindsay Lohan fan next to her mom
got her posters on my wall, think about her all of the time
it's like i wake up in the morning wood in my bed
roll over half praying its her sayin "wake up sleepy head"
it never is though, ok mom i'm getting up
oh mom! can i have my OJ in my Hilary Duff cup?
grab a shirt out the drawer, a pair a pants from the floor
a song in my heart thumping for all the girls i adore
mi amor es las chicas mas mas menor
i got my seventeen subscription so i know what's in store
it's on my bathroom floor, next to YM and Stuff
one day i'll get playboy and wait for Hilary duffs muff
but that's a few days away, more like 400 and change
still not getting it, maybe this will help me explain
i love Amanda Bynes, i wanna FTS her boobs
so many young cuties how's a boy to choose
so you're looking at me wondering what's wrong in my brain
a 21 year old milktoast-balding-pedo with pit stains
that's ok call me names, start with never been laid
saving up for Mary-Kate, Ashley and my wedding day
i know i haven't met em yet, but its destiny no doubt
all you fucking freshman at NYU best watch out
cuz i got the grades, and nailed my GRE
grad school, your cool, TA's gonna be me
maybe that won't work out, but Broadway’s down the street
i'll pop in see Kim Possible as Belle in Beauty and the Beast
be like hey Christie, hey you miss me,
come on out your dressing room baby kiss me
she'll be like oh hey, who the hell are you
"i know the Olsen twins" "oh not those two"
yeah i had em, but i want the best
and miss Carlson Romano you've captured my interest
chances are Wren and i will eventually split
if you caught the double entendre i definitely intended it
but legs aside, we'll probably one day stop dating
and i'll go back to my constant masterplan which is waiting
for the right girl, which sadly, isn't Hilary duff
she's amazing, but 5'4' just ain't tall enough
and Lacey Chabert actually older than me
and no matter how hard i try i'm not hard for Avril Lavigne
the skater shit and ties make her look like a dude
oops, my mistake, Mandy Moore's hair style has got me confused
and Ashlee Simpson’s voice on her sister's body'd make her a hottie
but that's living in dream world, sadly, reality's got me
i'm desperate but i'm not looking toward Raven Simone
unless we're talking Mr. Cooper or the Cosby show
sexy Alexa Vega caught my eye back in spy kids one
and watching her grow has well, made me come, undone
speaking but spies got room for Harriet in my life
Buffy Summers little sister Michelle T be my wife
Emma Watson's magic put love spell on me
sorry Harry Potter but Hermiony's mine you'll see
we're gonna do it on the broom, i'm gonna snitch ya snatch
back in Harry Potter one i put dibs on her ass
Anne Hathaway's my princess, hope she knights me
jet to Britain and EO Kiera Knightely nightly
i get sick when i think about these girls in a few years
wrinkled 22 year olds, the answer is clear i'm not ready for a relationship, but have no fears
in 09 its sweet 18 for Jamie Lynn spears!
Hey Ma! I’m A Rapper!
Music by: DJ Tanner
Produced and Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
i'm your little boy
your pride and joy
your Benjaminer Penjaminer
Benny Bobo ba dit and da dat and wa dat and shh
i know that’s where i'll always be
back in your memory
and you'll always be in mine
you and dad and GG
and i can't believe just how the time flies
now i hear the circle game and its not just you who cries
cuz i'm 22 now, and my hairs starting to fall out
and i call you about girls now, and i even worry bout
bringing em home to you and how they gon check out
you gonna like them, you gonna kick they ass out
cuz i want you to love who whoever i choose
and i want her to love you too, just like i do
so y'all step one two, raise a glass too
hey ma if ya listenin this one is pour vouez
Hey Ma, Hey Ma, Hey Ma oooh Hey Ma I’m Rapper
Hey Ma Hey Ma oooh Hey Ma I’m A Rapper
i remember your skepticism at oops i'm pregnant again
couldn't believe they sent me a thousand dollar check
sometimes my future scares me
cuz this is what i want
the whole words a stage mom
and i wanna put a show on
i wanna make the world smile
i wanna buy em a Coke
with every song i sing
with every single joke
with every word i wrote
I'm hopin that you know
I know that I'll never forget wherever I go
That I come from the Midwest
That I come from the worlds best
That I was raised to be a gentleman
and never anything less
and i shamelessly confess
needle in my eye cross my chest
I hope when you look back ma that you have no regrets
and i'm sorry for some things i've done
every bad one
every embarrassment
as a parent i know stung
like i was throwing things in your face
all my bad grades, i'd like to erase
other things done, every disgrace
and i'm sorry your mommy wasn't more like mine
cuz for GG and i you were one of a kind
and you excelled without a mentor
thank god you made a new path
and i hope when i hug you it don't feel so sad
cuz your mom and your dad make me mad
cuz i wish that the knew who
they had when they had you to do harm to
and i hope we grow closer and closer
unitl till your old age
i hope you forgive me for some of bad words that i say
i hope you know i'm not throwing my degree away
i'm still never been laid
i hope you know you raised a good man and hey
and one day we'll see, what will be will be
i hope day one day you have a gradson
as handsome, as funny, as cute, as clever, as me
Slumber Party!
Music by: Hard Corey
Produced and Arranged by: DJ Tanner
Lyrics by: Benjamin Garbe
Recorded at: 317 Green Balcs
excuse me miss i got little question to ask
i know we just met but i was hopin i could grab your ass
and will grab me back, while i'm checkin ya rack
spilled my drink on you on purpose so we could have a good laff
watch some flick
cuddle, play
watch that chick
sip champagne
clothes off
pillow fight
video camera
nightlight
now we hooked up once
we've hooked up thrice
you've slept left side
and i've slept right
and we meet by chance
never making plans
tap you on the shoulder take your hand
dance, like Howie Day you and i collide
and i can feel in your touch you got sex on your mind
but we're both playing games cuz we both wanna win
there's lots to lose and we don't wanna lose again
then its one shot, two shot, rum, jack, chase
then its short kiss, long kiss, see how she tastes
then its left hand right cheek see how she shakes
then its my place her place lights on closed drapes
hold up cuz her friend's all pissed
you'll regret going home with him, don't do this
fuck that bitch, fuck this plot twist
i'm not leaving tonight i want a good morning kiss
so we all walk home and i promise i'll be good
i try, never quit like the little engine that could
not leaving till i get suck sex so good
the big bad wolf walking home little riding hood
but the nights not done
there's lots more fun
she invites me in
i'm in wink nod gun
but the jokes on me cuz this was all her plan
Coldplay playin, candles on her nightstand
good morning sun. good morning note.
sorry, have to work let yourself out she wrote
so i guess that's the game, leave, ignore, forget
and me i fucked up cuz i let her get in my head
and the phone rings voicemail, "beep" i'll call you back
yeah right. how many times have i fallen for that
and it all comes down to we wanna get laid
but don't wanna get played
and its a trade
its ok, play games, be lame, its alright
i'll have a slumber party with someone else tonight
she'll be hands on the headboard, ass to the sky
enjoying a whole lot of $ucksex inside
friday night, your fat friends me to come out
hmmm...i wonder what the hell this is about
every move is calculated, every move is planned
black shirt, washed jeans, cologne, tag left hand
bring a bottle of wine? fuck i'm bringing an ex
ingredients for jeaously...mmmmm....check.
walk in, light the torch, no going back
let her and her girlfriends sit, sip, have a little chat
and plot their next move, but they won't jump me
sex in the city, i got every dvd
these girls think its real, so that's how they act
and they been kickin my ass, and i'm about to fight back
i introduce laura she's in on take
cuz she wants a little action, she goes both ways
and we're one two three, drinking 151
last call, but the night and the girls is young
back at the ranch man its 5V 1D
this girl, my, ex and her friends and me
and hot tubs bubling the clothes is all gone
girls on girls on me then a sing along
let's hook up, let's go
let's have a slumber party whoa!
let's hook up, let's go
let's have a slumber party whoa!
let’s hook up let’s go
let's do it real slow
let's hook up, let's go
let's have a slumber party whoa!
ALL LYRICS ©2005 Benjamin A. Garbe (ASCAP)/
Mister Cucumber Publishing (ASCAP)
